What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:26
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Who then, do I blame.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I don,t even have a pension.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Put me off passion for life!!
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
How do you respond to "I don't like you anymore"?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
How can I fall asleep fast at night?
What did i know ?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Has anyone been spanked by their parents after becoming an adult?
I waited trembling.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What was your best experience of having your navel touched?
I think the readers, may guess!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
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I couldn’t, believe it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He knew the spot.
Im still living with it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was 9 years of age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But it wasn’t much.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She wouldn,t have been !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My family never makes their pension either.
And i lived it daily.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I have no regrets .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But, we were locked up after school.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Would this be the day?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was seconnd youngest,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So, i spoilt her more .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was scared of men, in general
Was to survive, this bastard.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Comes on , in middle age.
It was going to be , some day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So whats the point in blame.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She married twice! .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was very sick at this time too.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I will be 64.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I said to her
But ive been too sick for many years..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was in good health!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When she asked me how she looked .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She found it foreign!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My life is so biszare .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We all went to grammer schools
She loved him until the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot live in the past .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I write beautiful poetry .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why did i forgive my father ?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)